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Monday, May 4, 2009

As the World Turns ... or My Life, the Soap Opera

03 112 I'm asked often how things are going and how the kids and I are doing.  The whole subject is still very sensitive and difficult and "raw" for me so it's hard for me to post about it (though my poor "in real life" friends are probably sick and tired of hearing about my woes and battles) and it's not a craft issue so it doesn't always seem right to mention it here.  I so much prefer to post about happy, colorful things ... not this yucky gloom and doom.

I really do appreciate the caring thoughts though, very much.  And the prayers.  I am kind of "stuck" right now trying to accept and understand why, with all the prayers and hopeful thoughts, my marriage is still
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 ending and my children are still hurting.  But, as a girlfriend said recently, God doesn't control free will and I guess that's what I really need to grasp.   If you are the praying type please pray for strength and understanding for the kids and myself, for us to begin the healing process and to begin moving forward, for me to be the healthy person my kids need me to be, and for Jason to get the support he needs to be a good father to his children and a happier person.

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 When this started every day seemed hopeless, just overwhelmingly painful.  Every day was like that.  I cried and cried and cried.  As time passes those days are still lingering, but there are fewer of them.  Now I'll have maybe one really bad day a week ... which is a heck of an improvement.  It's a roller coaster, but it gets better all the time.

The situation still hurts, a lot.  I still can't believe this is happening.  I thought we were a strong couple, we had issues, of course, but they weren't overwhelming or horrible and I really believed we were a team and would get through anything together.  I thought we had a good love for each other and for our family.  We were best friends and I trusted him  ... to be my
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 husband and to love me "til death do us part".  I believed we'd be in this house together, raising our kids together, doing what we believed was best for them together.  But it is what it is, as they say, and all I can do is move forward and believe that the future will be good and as it should be .. and focus on that bright and sunny future.  And that we'll be fine, because we will be.

The kids are doing ok.  Some issues here and there, but for the most part they are hanging in there and seeing the positive ... they are so good at that.  They are awesome kids and I am so lucky to have them.

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  I really do appreciate it.

The pictures are completely off subject, obviously.  These were taken of R. at Busch Gardens last weekend.  He was so stinking happy to have the strap from his hat in his mouth, and kept that strap in long after the hat fell off.  It was really funny ... perhaps even funnier because he laughed right along with us.

4 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing about such a difficult time in your life. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your kids. I don't need to know you to be doing that! I appreciate your transparency.

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  2. I'll be praying for your family. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time. You have beautiful children, and I am glad that you do!

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  3. Jody, thank you for sharing such a difficult thing - you all have been in my prayers, and will continue there. I think the whole, "God doesn't control free will" thing is one of the hardest for me to accept sometimes... but I hope you are reassured that He is taking care of you and the kids, no matter what someone else does.

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  4. It sounds like we are in the same boat. Hang in there, sorry for your pain.

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